I’m sure the clerk recognized me every time. I never stopped buying because I had faith, I had confidence that I would someday be that person in a memorable photo holding her big winnings… grinning ear to ear, clearly overwhelmed by what the future would hold. After waiting and anticipating, spending more money than I had planned, big prayers, many wishes and good thoughts… did indeed lead to a big win. A win I once accepted may not happen. A win I so desperately wanted but could never imagine the results and how it would entirely change my life.
You might be picturing me swimming in cash, hanging out in my driveway with new cars and cool toys, and flying high with bigwigs in fancy pants.
None of the above has happened…
Yes, I’d love to take a splash in a pool of crisp cash. I wouldn’t mind chilling out in my driveway sandwiched between a few shiny new cars. I’d also be pretty content drinking my unlimited Trader Joe’s boxed wine with my pinky pointing out just waiting for a bird to land on it and “tweet” how amazing I am. Nonetheless, my winnings grow daily and constantly provide smiles, I love you’s and many sweet + sloppy x’s and o’s. This new “fortune” that my husband and I acquired surprisingly came with twice the diaper changes, doctor visits, stares and unnecessary comments (oh the things people say when you have twins). But this is what winning the lottery is to me. With the understanding that (real) cash flow would decrease, I tightly embraced my winning ticket that clearly said, “Mother” and smile-cried for the cameras.
Now, I jump in my ride and cruise down the street with the bass rocking my children to sleep… leaving me humming “wheels on the bus” all day long. I flash my coupons to all the other high rollers, while comparing savings and exchanging grins with whitening strips still in. With head nods and proud smirks, I schlep around my little ones with as much grace and humility as I can find (depending on the day). I wear the “Mom” title tightly and expose how I won to only the few that have crawled down the same path.
Motherhood is lovely but it isn’t glamorous. It’s filled with lack of sleep, a lot of doubt, much frustration, confusion and concern… like, “why won’t you eat?”, “why are you sick again?!”, “where are your clothes?”, “what is in your mouth?”, or “why are you screaming in the middle of Costco?”… But at the same time, beneath all of our instincts to quickly fix it all, lies someone who is doing her best to raise her children, someone who is looked up to and so loved by the little ones that call her mom, mama, mommy. They can quickly stress us out when they don’t listen, yet make us so overwhelmingly proud and happy in the next moment, when they excitedly explore the world.
I’m going on year three in this game of Motherhood and I will never forget my first Mother’s Day. While emotional and exhausted in a messy house, the best part of that day was staring at my two little girls in awe, feeling so lucky that they are mine! Now, every year I celebrate that first moment and quietly send some warm thougths to all who are waiting for that winning ticket.
- What year is this for you?
- Do you remember your first Mother’s Day?
- What’s your most memorable Mother’s Day moment? We want to hear!
Cheers to all of you beautiful women and Happy Mother’s Day!
Go ahead, smile-cry for the camera and enjoy your winnings. You deserve it!