Working from home sure has it perks. Fresh and free flowing coffee. Relaxed office attire. A flexible schedule. And comfort and coziness, are just a few luxuries to be had from working from home.
I am beyond thankful that I am able to stay at home with my kids, contribute a bit to the family finances, and for the most part be my own boss. I can pick up and go when I want to. I can take a day off when I want to. I can choose projects that resonate and sound interesting to me. And I get to do it all from home. It’s my (almost) perfect scenario.
But even still, I am finding myself waking up and going to bed feeling overwhelmed. Why? Because my sweet kids are home from school for the summer. And they need me. They need me to pour milk in their cereal. They need me to referee sibling disputes. They need me to play board games on rainy days. They need my hugs , my kisses, and my conversation. They need me at the pool, at the park, and at the beach. They need me present. Available. And focused, just on them.
And they are fully aware when I am not.
Some Moms have this amazing ability to focus well on more than one thing at a time. I am not one of those moms. No, in order for me to be productive, I need 100% focus. I need quiet. I need peace. I need uninterrupted time.
Being a mom is difficult enough. Adding in work days? Even harder. I work with children on my lap, and clinging to my side. I work with a run on dialog about the coolest new soccer play singing in my ear. I work with Lego pieces underneath my feet, and a load of laundry humming in the laundry room. I work with high-pitched requests of “When will you be done?” and “Can we go to the park now?”
Somedays I find myself longing to just be mom. To wake up in the morning without anything on my agenda but a trip to the pool. But that is just not our financial reality. And to do that would be to take away all of my creative outlets that make me, well…me.
Other days I long to dress up, leave the house, and go work in a pristine office, with the only thing clamoring for my attention is the job before me. But that is also not our reality.
Working from home is what works best for our family. I know this. I am thankful for this. But it doesn’t always mean it’s easy. Actually, these days I have been struggling to keep it all together.
I spend my days trying to balance my projects, my kids, my home, and my marriage. I feel pulled into a million different directions.
Ever feel that way ? That you are pulled so hard that you might snap?
Some days I balance it all well. The house is cleaned, the laundry completed, a home cooked meal waits on the table. The kids are happy and feel loved. My deadlines are met. And I go to bed with a smile on my face feeling content.
I do it all terribly. The house is a wreck (and so am I), dinner is take -out, and the laundry is overtaking the family room. I have deadlines hanging over my head, the kids are not happy with me, and I go to bed in a fit of tears wondering how in the world am I going to get it all done.
I fight mom guilt daily, while being thankful that I am able to provide extras for my children.
I dream of the perfectly clean and organized house while celebrating professional successes.
I sometimes fall into the trap of wanting what I don’t have while failing to see what I do have.
I don’t always get it all done. I don’t always do it all well. That is my reality.
But it is ok. Even though sometimes messy, my reality is still a good one. It is also one that I have chosen.
The sky is not going to cave in if the dinner dishes camp out in the sink over night. Take-out is ok every once in a while. I can choose to push back deadlines if it means snuggling with a little one at bedtime. I can follow my dreams and still be a fantastic mother.
Us Moms just have to do what we can. This is true for stay at home moms, working moms, and working from home moms. We can’t always be everything to everyone.
But we are always thee everything to our little ones. Regardless of how we rate ourselves, they rate us in the highest of scorings.
I just have to stop and breathe in that truth every once and awhile….