How Not to Potty Train Your Kids

I have four boys. At this moment they are all wearing underwear. And all of them are under 18. Victory! However, I won’t say they are “potty trained” because we have yet to master the finer details. All the business is happening in the potty, but “did you wash your hands?” is the ever present question. And of course, putting down the seat and good aim only happen once in a blue moon.

How Not to Potty Train Your Kids | Twin Cities Moms Blog

Despite my reluctance to claim completion, I can’t say I haven’t learned anything. In fact, I’ve learned a lot about how to make the process interminable and even more unpleasant for you and your child. If you’re thinking of potty training your child, I highly recommend avoiding all of the following:

  1. Spend lots of time picking out just the right time to start the process.
  2. Imagine how wonderful it will be to be done with diapers, ignoring the fact that you will still have to wipe a butt for quite some time
  3. Start really early
  4. Read lots of potty training books
  5. Even better acquire lots of books and only read the intro and several chapter titles
  6. Compare notes with all your mom friends
  7. Spend hours wondering why other children don’t have any of the same problems yours does
  8. Test run the newest trend in potty training methods
  9. Give up when it doesn’t work and try another latest and greatest idea
  10. Plan a special outing or exciting event for the whole family days after you start
  11. Seek advice from relatives who haven’t potty trained a child in decades
  12. Think of the potty training process as something you can “complete” in a short amount of time
  13. Buy lots of adorable and expensive underpants
  14. Mentally compare one child to their siblings
  15. Schedule major home repairs during the early days of the process
  16. Think you have time to get where you’re going without stopping in the bathroom again
  17. Fail to anticipate possible set backs resulting from illness
  18. Don’t think about how diet will affect progress
  19. Think of success or failure as a reflection on your parenting skills
  20. Show fear
  21. Let your child think that they are “too old” to go back to diapers or training pants
  22. Leave the house without back up supplies within the first six months of potty training

Alas, if you have already undertaken one or even several of these potty training faux pas, fear not. Your child will wear underwear one day too. You may even say he or she is “potty trained.” Just promise you’ll tell me how you did it.

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