My Real Parents Raised Me

“Do you know your real parents?”

Not everyone gets the pleasure of being asked this question from the time they are a child well into their adult age. To be asked whether or not you know your real parents doesn’t exactly seem like the most exciting question/answer to explain but I always handled it pretty well. I must hand it to a fellow Twin Cities Moms Blog contributor, Annie, who really inspired me to write this post. I had read a personal post of hers pointing out the difference between “Mommy” and “Mama” in her household. As an adoptee, you get the question above A LOT and most times “real parents” are brought up in and out of an average conversation pertaining to adoption… Which makes plenty sense, where else would we come from?

Now, believe me… There is nothing wrong with someone who is curious and interested in the processes or background of how a family is built based on adoption, in fact, I tend to believe I liked (or more so fully loved) being asked about my adoption as a child… Ask me about my adoption story today? Well, take a seat because we could be here for a few hours.

It took me a good, strong 26 years to realize I had a unique story to be told. It was even harder to believe that others, especially adoptees struggling with trauma and/or potential parents waiting to adopt, truly want others with stories like mine to speak up about our childhood, adoption, personal thoughts and emotions. Of course, it is very private and personal matter to one’s life, and sometimes far too intense for some, but it seemed to come fairly easy for me.

There are many contrasting sides to adoption — There are instances in which an adoptee experiences that extreme trauma and isn’t able to speak out, yet there are those like me who grab their story and work it, preach it and utilize it to bring a lightness and awareness to a subject that is sometimes seen a little less than ordinary. If I could say one thing about adoption to those who will listen, it is to speak positively. Trust me, you Google these words along with adoption and you’ll find an abundance of articles on what I’m trying to get at here.

When it comes to speaking positively on “real parents,” you are quickly comparing a child’s parents that adopted them versus their biological parents. Positively speaking, I’ll just say it… There is actually a gigantic difference when comparing the two for any adoptee and their parents, as well. It’s a wild amount of times I’ve been asked whether or not I know my real parents and my answer was always something of the sort, “It’s a closed adoption, unfortunately no, I don’t know my biological parents.” See what I did there? And then we’re onto the next question. {Excited to say “was” as I’ve recently been reunited with them! Another story, another day.}

I feel it’s important to address first and foremost, there has never been any type of offense taken, no hard feelings or annoyance towards this question (for me at least). It’s a very simple and basic question in which a very simple and basic answer is given.

But here’s the truth in which most adoptees are meaning to say, my “real parents” raised me. Please understand that I say this in retrospect to the parents out there who have chosen adoption or find adoption to be in their family’s future. You are your child’s real parents. Also, I say this as a given voice to all the simple and basic answers I’ve given my entire life as a child who is adopted.

My “real parents” are the two that loved me way too hard every single day and night. They sacrificed. They sat up countless teenage (and adult) year nights waiting for me to get home. My real parents are the two that cried and laughed with me. They have gracefully experienced every single first and last along the way with me. My real parents raised me… If you know me, then of course… You know them too.

My Real Parents Raised Me | Twin Cities Moms Blog


  1. My Real Parents Raised Me {TCMB} | Leah Pihlaja - April 7, 2015

    […] It’s not about what’s right or wrong, ignorance or disrespect – I totally get it, it’a fine! However, you’re aware of how much work and heart I put into this search. How much want I have towards this.. I wanted to give these people in the pink binder a name.. And I did just that! AND it’s been so lovely. It brings hope for the future and I feel so much love knowing we don’t have to call them birth/biological parents anymore, we get to call them by their name now – and I find everything and then some to feel so right in that. Read the piece here! […]

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